my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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