i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
