Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
