At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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