i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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