I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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