i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
