i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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