What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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