Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
