saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
