Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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