i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
