bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
