She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
