Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
