Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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