Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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