a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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