I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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