I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
