I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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