im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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