Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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