I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
