Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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