Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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