omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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