You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
