i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
