You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
