so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
