And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
