You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
