my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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