I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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