What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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