areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
