oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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