Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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