Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is Oprah even human
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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