Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
