THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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