I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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