When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
