Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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