I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
