i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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