Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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