I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
