i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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