If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
