I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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