Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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