I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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