You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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