She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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