Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
