you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
