Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
