then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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