I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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