Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
