My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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