I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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