There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
