we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
