if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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