If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was confusing and full of hummus
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
