awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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