Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
