brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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