I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
