No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
