Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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