i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He has the fingertips of a God
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