At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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