Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
