I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
