So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
