How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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