The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
